A Data Dog's Day
by Ytoabn
Summary: And Ein fanfic, I'd explain the details, but it would ruin the story... [Completed, thank you for the reviews]
1. A Data Dog's Day

Chapter 1...  
(Jet POV)  
  
I groaned as I searched through the bounties that were still alive. A week ago the ISSP declared a dead or alive offer on the top 50 bounties. They all died in about 3 days so only a few chump change bounties were left. Ed was looking too. Well, I think she was looking, its hard to tell when her monitor is on her goggles. Ein was watching Ed do her thing. There was nothing left, and we were in need of some fast money.  
Things were looking bad...  
I looked over to Ed who was on her head spinning around.  
"Ed? Are you okay?"  
The wire connecting Ed's goggles started to get wrapped around her body as she spun. She eventually got completely wrapped up and fell to the ground. She then squrimed over to me like a worm.  
She smiled and said, "Edward is feeling normal."  
That made me raise an eyebrow.  
Edward squirmed back and said, "Edward has something."  
She used her toes to hack into my computer and bring up an article.  
I sighed, "Ed, don't do that. Hmm... say, this could be big."  
"What's big," Spike asked as he came into the room with Faye next to him. Ed hopped out of her wires and sat next to Jet.  
Some new religious cult, ISSP is cracking down on them. We can get 10,000 wulongs for bringing in a member of this cult."  
Spike gave me a pissed look. "That's just chump change."  
I smiled, "There are 1,000 members in one building on Callisto and a 5 million wulong bounty on the leader."  
That got Faye's attention. "That's 15 million for the whole building."  
Spike shook his head, "I don't like it. Are we gonna take on an entire building of fanatics?"  
I again smiled, "That's the catch, their religon is non-violent. They wouldn't hurt a fly."  
Faye laughed, "This is going to be easy"  
"Yes sir," Ed yelled, "and Edward will help take in the cowpokes."  
(Ein POV)  
  
Jet raised his eyebrow at Ed, "Oh, you think you can take out a bounty. Please."  
"Edward can too take out a bounty. Edward could take out you."  
Jet laughed, "Oh yeah, go ahead Ed. Try me."  
Jet stuck his chin out waiting for a punch.  
"Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookay." Ed yelled as she hopped on her computer.  
She started typing like crazy. All of a sudden Jet's cybornetic arm went nuts. It started flailing back and forth. Jet grabbed it to try to stop it, but Ed made his arm hit him right in the chin.  
Jet fell to the floor.  
"Spike-person." Ed yelled.  
Ed continued her tapping. Spike grabbed his left eye screaming. In a few seconds, he collapsed next to Jet.  
"Faye-faye."  
'Faye-faye' was running away scared from Ed. Ed did some more typing, and all of a sudden all of the lights on the Bebop started flashing like crazy. I shut my eyes and looked away. When I looked back Faye was on the floor in convulsions.  
Ed smiled and said, "And now Edward will go sleepy-by."  
She picked up her Tomato computer and knocked herself in the head with it. She fell to the ground smiling.  
I always knew that girl would kill us all...  
  
End of Chapter 1 


	2. A Data Dog's Day 2

Chapter 2...  
(Spike POV)  
  
We were taking a cab over to the building that held our target bounty heads.  
"Jet. Why are we taking Ed and Ein? Its not like they usually come with us."  
"1, these guys aren't the type to hurt either of them  
2, the Bebop is being over hauled.  
3, the more people we have, the more bounties we can catch.  
Besides, she's not bugging you."  
I lowered my eyebrows and said, "That's only because of that website you showed her."  
I looked back to Ed who was collapsed in the seat staring at www.lavalamp.com. She was hypnotized.  
We arrived at the place and I unplugged Ed's connection sending her flailing. Once she fell out of the car she stood up and yelled, "Look out dirty ol' cowpokes here comes Edward. Yehaw!"  
She started running off with her arms out like a plane. I just slowly walked behind with Jet and Faye.  
"Hey Spike, Why did you bring that," Jet said pointing a my pocket.  
I patted the gun there and said, "Just a little insurance Jet."  
Jet laughed, "You won't need it, trust me."  
We met Ed panting at door. I saw two gaurds standing at the door, I put my hand in my pocket.  
Jet saw me and said, "Watch and learn."  
The gaurds smiled when Jet walked up and said, "Welcome fellow follower of the great ruler Mioabn. We hope you have come here to help us praise the all mighty ruler."  
"Actually," Jet said, "I'm not a follower of Mioabn, I'm here to destroy your entire relligion and take you all in. I will probably kill half of you, and the other half will wish you were dead."  
The gaurds continued to smile, "Well, I hope you change your minds. Welcome, " and they stepped back to let us in.  
I just stared at the guys as I walked by. Why the heck were they called gaurds?  
As we walked throught the building and up to a door that had the word 'Welcome' on it I laughed.  
"What did I tell ya?" Jet said with a grin.  
We went through the door that had the word 'Welcome' on it. It was a long hall way that was poorly lit.  
"This is weird," Faye said.  
When we were half way through the hall, all of the lights came on at once. I instinctively pulled out my gun, but it got knocked out of my hands. I looked around to see I was surronded by guys in suits aiming at us with rifles.  
I looked to Jet and said in a whiny-high-pitched voice, "They won't hurt a fly, Spike. You won't need that trust me, Spike. What did I tell ya, Spike."  
He looked back to me and mumbled, "Shut-up"  
A guy in a dark robe walked out of the shadows and said, "If you do not move, then we shall not fire."  
I grumbled, I couldn't take on all these guys. Faye, Jet, and I agreed with our eyes to shut up and do as they say. Ed, however, apparently skipped lunch.  
She yelled, "ED IS HUNGRY!"  
The riflemen flinched and fired.  
(Ein POV)  
  
I woke up laying down in a room with metal walls. There were no windows, and only one door at the other end of the room. There was a huge item covered in a tarp in the center of the room. I looked over to my right to see Ed sleeping sitting down. She was chained to a pipe on the wall. Beyond her, Spike, Faye, and Jet were also sitting down chained to pipes on the wall. I had a chain wrapped around my neck and body hooking me up to a chain.   
"Ok, explain it to me again." Faye yelled.  
Jet sighed, "They are a peaceful religion, untill they meet someone who isn't a supporter of their religon. If someone isn't a follower of Mioabn these guys do them a favor and kill that person."  
"And why are we alive," Spike asked.  
"They decided for some reason to just drug us. I don't know why yet. Can either of you guys get your chains off?"  
"I've been trying while you were talking," Spike said.  
Faye struggled a bit and said, "No good."  
Ed started to move and everyone looked to her.  
"Hey Ed," Jet said, "are you alright?"  
"Ed is hungry"  
"Ed is hungry?" Spike asked, "Yeah, your hunger GOT US ALL CAUGHT!"  
Spike was staring at Ed like he was about to bite her head off. Ed just said, "Edward wants Pioyokos."  
The door opened up slowly. Two gaurds rushed in clutching their guns closely. I then heard the slow, loud steps of someone walking towards us. She came into the room with an evil little grin on her face.  
"Welcome visitors," she said, "I am Mioabn, the ruler of all you see."  
"Your ruler of a big metal room?" Spike said with a grin.  
"We shall see who is smiling," Mioabn said, "You came at the perfect time. You still have a chance to join us in my great heavan."  
"What are you gonna do," Faye said, "kill us?"  
"Oh my no. It would be an un-honorable way and is against the code. However, being part of a mass suicide is no problem at all. Presenting," Mioabn grabbed the tarp and pulled it off, "the tool that will send you to my heavan, the Death Star."  
Spike gave a suspicious look at the huge machine and said, "I guess there is no such thing as copyrights in your religion."  
"No there isn't," Mioabn said quickly, "This machine will send an energomatic wave throughout this plannet that will kill all who preside here."  
"Actually," Jet said, "There is no way that an energomatic wave would kill a guy, especially not kill a planet. Hell, you could sit on top of that thing and all that would happen is that your butt would get warm."  
"Ha ha ha," Mioabn laughed, "I know the power of energomatic waves, however with my great psychic abilities I can control the waves to destroy all."  
Jet did his laugh, "Oh yeah, well why don't you fire it up. I dare ya."  
"You say this without your friends opinion," Mioabn said.  
"Lets do it." Spike said.  
"Why not." Faye said.  
Mioabn looked to Ed who was staring down at her feet.  
"What about you little girl," Mioabn said, getting about a foot away from her head.  
Ed swung her head up and yelled, "ED WANTS PIOYOKOES!"  
That sent the guy flailing back. Mioabn got up, and he was mad.  
"Ok, that's it, in 3 hours I want all of these people exah," he stutered," exah, exahhh, exahhhh choo. What the, what the hell is ah ah ahh choo. (sniff) What the hell is a dog doing here." He said pointing to me.  
Mioabn grabbed one of the gaurds and said, "You know I'm ah ah ahchoo, alergic to dogs. Get that disgusting thing out of here."  
He sneezed again right in the gaurds face. The gaurd saluted and Mioabn walked off sneezing.  
"Come on you mutt." The gaurd said, unlocking my chains and picked me up by my neck. As I was being pulled out I heard Spike say, "Now, how the hell are we gonna get out of here."  
Jet said, "Well, there is always Ein."  
Spike said, "Yeah right, like that stupid mutt can do anything."  
I growled.  
I got thrown outside in the dirt. I got up, and looked back at the huge building. Oh well, I guess that was a nice trip. I started to walk away, but then I realized. I couldn't work the canopener on the Bebop. I guess I'd have to save them.  
  
End of Chapter 2 


	3. A Data Dog's Day 3

Chapter 3...  
(Ein POV)  
  
I ran up to the gaurds at the door, expecting them to let me through like before, but this time they stopped me.  
"Mioabn has ordered you to stay out of this building," one of the gaurds said.  
The other gaurd turned to him and said, "Wait Bob, what if he is a blessed angel of Mioabn in disguise?"  
"Your right Chuck. Hmm... Ok, if you truly are an angel, give us a sign."  
A sign? What was I supposed to do, sprout wings and fly around? Wait, I got an idea. I started scratching at the dirt and watched as their eyes grew wide.  
One of the stuttered, "He... he has written the word, 'Hello,' on the ground."  
They both droped to the ground yelling, "We are not worthy."  
They layed down on their bellies with their faces in the dirt. I walked over one of the gaurds and he said, "I am honored by his feet."  
I was feeling nice that day so I honored his face with my butt, and continued forward.  
I came to the hallway door that led to all the riflemen that had taken us out earlier. Now I had two problems.  
1. How was I going to get past the riflemen.  
2. How was I going to get to the doorknob to open the door.  
All of a sudden a whistle blew. I ran away from the door as it was opening. I saw many of the same people who had shot me earlier walk out.  
One of them complained, "Man, I thought it would take forever for our lunch break to come."  
Lunch Break? When I went into the room, it was completely empty. They had all left for lunch.  
Oh well.  
I noticed a side door that was opened a bit with smoke coming out. I stuck my nose in to see a room with nothing but read lighting. The celing was covered in smoke, people were lying everywhere, barely moving, if at all. You couldn't tell the dead from the living. A group of 20 people were off to one side staring at a lava lamp. I walked through the room trying not to inhale too much. I walked past a bunch of people who were sitting on a couch, staring at absolutely nothing.  
"Woah," one of them said pointing a finger at me, "its one of those dog like things. What are they called?"  
"They're called dogs," another one said.  
"Oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," the first one said. He then collapsed on the floor, his hand still pointing at me.  
I continued my little trot through the room. I came out of the room into another room where there were small poles in the floor about 3 inches off the ground. People in white robes were balancing on the poles.  
A person at the front of the class whispered, "Find your balance, and you shall be at peace."  
I trotted through the room quietly, no one else made a sound. They just stood there. I was about to leave the room, when I turned around and barked as loud as I could. They all fell off of their poles, onto the hard ground. My work here was done.  
(Spike POV)  
  
I sat with my pissed look in the metal room. Ed was next to me rocking here had back and forth singing, "Piyoko, Pywoko, pimoko, okoyiP, ED WANTS A PIYOKO!"  
A guy stumbled into our room, half drunk, half stoned. He held the keys to our locks, and a bag of Piyokos. That got Ed's attention. Ed followed every wobbly step of the guy, staring at the Piyokos.  
He wobbled over to Faye and said, "Hey pretty girl, I'll let you out if you..." he leaned down and whispered something in Faye's ear.  
As he whispered, Faye's face got more and more pissed, till I was sure she would bite his neck out.  
Once the guy was done whispering, Faye put on her evil grin and said, "And if you try that I'm going to..." she whispered something in his ear.  
As she whispered, the guy's face got more and more scared. Once she was done, he jumped back trembling. He then looked to Ed, who was still watching the bag of Pioyokos.  
He said, "Hmm, well, maybe your more of my type kid. Hey, kid!"  
He put the bag of Piyokos on the ground near Ed. She of course looked down at the bag.   
He put his head over Ed's and yelled, "Hey kid, are you listening to me?"  
She raised her head quickly, knocking the guy in the chin. He dropped the keys, and fell to the floor, kicking the bag over.  
"PIYOKOS!" Ed yelled, as she went crazy trying to reach on of them.  
"ED," I yelled, "Grab the key!"  
She looked to me and said, "Yes, Sir."  
She leaned over and grabbed the key in her mouth. She then flung the key to her toes and grabbed it. She used the key to stab one of the Piyokos, then flipped the key and Piyoko into the air, and in her mouth."  
I stared at her while she licked her lips.  
"Ed," I calmly asked, "Why did you eat the key?"  
"Ed needs more iron in her diet. Yes sir."  
I sighed.  
  
End of Chapter 3 


	4. A Data Dog's Day 4

Chapter 4...  
(Ein POV)  
  
The next room I walked in to was full of people on their knees bowing up and down. There were so many people in the room, that I had to play a game of leap frog just to get through the room. Unfortunately, one of the people there noticed my furry self and sounded an alarm.  
Red lights were flashing, things were being shouted through the speakers, it was nuts. I saw people pick up their machine guns and start running around, looking for an intruder. I hid in a corner, where no one really looked. I tried to get back in the hallway so I could keep looking for Jet, but too many people were running around. Then I heard a little electric motor coming. I looked to see a golf cart like thing coming towards me. I jumped into a spare tire on the back of it, and hitched a ride to wherever it was going.  
The thing was only going about 10 miles per hour, so it was gonna be a while before I got wherever I was going. Oh well, I needed some sleep...  
(Spike POV)  
  
They had already dragged the guy out who had the Piyoko's, he was replaced by another guy, who was even more drunk then the previous guy. He had a stick which he was using to poke at Jet's metal arm. Jet tried to bite the thing, but couldn't reach. He then moved to me and started poking my face. I bit the stick, took it from his hands, and threw it back at his gapping mouth. He choked on it, and collapsed to the floor.  
I sighed. Ed was still swinging her head back and forth singing about Piyoko's (apparently she had become an addict.)   
"Why do you want a Piyoko so bad Ed?" I asked.  
"Piyokos good for Ed."  
Two armed gaurds ran into our room. They went to either side of the door and stood at attention.  
"What the hell is going on now?" I asked.  
"In one hour," one of the gaurds said, "Mioabn shall come and honor you with death."  
"And until then, what's gonna happen?" Jet asked.  
"We must do a ritual song before allowing you to die," the other gaurd said.  
Then, they both opened their mouths and started singing in the worst voice ever. God, I was sure that if any glass was in this room, it would break. I wanted to cover my ears, but my hands were still chained so I shifted my shoulders up to cover my ears.  
"You just had to ask Jet," I yelled, "I don't think I can take an hour of this crap."  
And they kept on singing in their scratchy, loud voices.  
(Ein POV)  
  
I woke up when I heard these two loud and scratchy voices that were trying to sing. God, they were unbearable. I used my paws to cover my ears, as we rolled closer towards the noise. The noise stopped when I heard the sound of a metal door opening. We rolled through the door and into the same room I had been in before. I jumped out of the cart to see Jet and company still sitting where I left them. Mioabn stepped out of the cart along with two armed gaurds.  
"It is time, my guests," Mioabn said, "I shall send you to the great beyond now."  
"Un-huh," Spike said.  
I looked aroung and saw where they had hung up Spike's coat. I sneaked over there and searched his pockets while Mioabn preeched to the Bebop crew. I found a grenade in Spike's pocket. Apparently insurances. I grabbed it out of the pocket and put it on the ground. 'Now,' I thought to myself, 'how can I open this up without the use of apposable thumbs.'  
I finally flipped the little trigger, but now my fur was stuck in the trigger. I pulled out the hairs that were stuck and rolled the grenade over too the door.  
Boom.  
"What the hell," I heard Spike yell.  
I got blown to the wall, but not too hard. When the smoke cleared I looked to see everyone collapsed on the ground. The Bebop crew was scratched up a bit, but for the most part, they were fine. That was easier than I thought. I searched the reckage for a pair of keys to get Jet and Ed out. When all of a sudden, a hand came up from the ground and grabbed me. The hand held me up and threw me to the side. I slid along the ground till I hit the wall. I looked up to see Mioabn standing up in the reckage.  
"You," Mioabn yelled, " you will pay dog. You will PAY!"  
He grabbed a gaurd's gun and aimed it at me. I of course moved my furry butt. However, right before he fired he started to sneeze.  
I got an idea.  
I ran under his legs while he was sneezing. Seeing me, he pulled the trigger... and shot his own foot.  
"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," Mioabn yelled, "You stupid dog, you stupid dog."  
He grabbed his foot and started hopping towards me. Fortunately, he tripped on the debree, and fell right into the wall. After that he slumped on the ground unconscious.  
I barked.  
(Spike POV)  
I watched as Ein searched Mioabn's pockets to find the keys. He put them in his mouth and walked over to me.  
I yelled, "Its about time you stupid mutt, now get these things off of me."  
It was probably the wrong thing to say. He growled at me and flung the keys to the other side of the room. He then walked away, tail wagging all the way.  
Jet, Faye, Ed, and I all just stared as Ein walked away. Ed then did her smile and started rocking back and forth. She then started to sing, "nine hundered and ninety-nine piyoko's on the wall, nine hundered and ninety-nine piyoko's..."  
  
(1 hour later...)  
  
Ed, "two piyoko's on the wall, two piyoko's"  
"ED," I yelled, "shut up, will ya."  
"Aww," Ed answered, "Spike-person is mean. Ed will just have to start all over again, but this time, higher!  
Nine hundered and ninety-nine million nine hundered and ninety-nine thousand nine hundered and ninety-nine piyokos on the wall, nine hundered and ninety-nine million nine hundered and ninety-nine thousand nine hundered and ninety-nine piyokos..."  
  
See you Space Cow-woof-woof. Someday, somewhere.  
  
End of Chapter 4 


End file.
